It has been a really good couple of weeks. Our morning CNA is in place and really has been a life (and back) saver. Her name is Melissa and she has really taken on the hard stuff. I was sad to learn that she will be leaving us in August to go back to college. So we will have to retrain in a month or so. Our afternoon CNA, Ruby will still be in place and we really like her too. She doesn't spend as much time or energy here. Not because she doesn't want to, we just really don't have anything else for her to do. They tell us as we need more help it will be great to already have her in place and she will already know us. So that will help. As it is Melissa does his baths, and rubs her hands and feet. Both of which is going great. He has some movement in his hands and they aren't stiff anymore. I can even get his brace on without him crying out in pain. Which is awesome!! He can flex at his ankles, too. That is also awesome. I take anything as progress. Even if it is only for a day, hour, or even minute it gives us hope. And hope can make anything bearable. He is still taking Protandim which he is sure is helping but since he is choking way more and can hardly speak most days I really don't think that is it at all. I think that God is blessing us with tender mercies so that we continue to have hope and it gives us strength. Some days hope feels like all I have.
I know I have to stay strong for him. And most days I am. But when I am not it is the small things that do me in. Like earlier this week I saw a old couple dressed alike, holding hands and out for a walk. I cried and cried! Not because I thought Dan and I would ever dress alike (I think that is weird! but that is just me) but just the very thought that I will never grow old with this man who makes my heart happy just to be in the room with him. The thought that I am going to be by myself for years before we get to be together again. These things are hard to think about and I am crying just writing them. I want to be with him but that is just not to be. But I still pray that our days together can be happy days and I look for ways to make us both enjoy our time together. So we cry and try to make it thru the hard days. The easy days we laugh and are happy to just be together. Those days are what make the hard days livable.
We finally got our handicap van and then we all piled in and went out to eat with Dan and his easy in and out. It was wonderful to finally be able to use his electric wheel chair. He can ride down our new ramp that some guys from church built and into our new van and then off we go. No pain to Dan and that is wonderful!