Nearing the end

I have found that even though we have talked about it for over a year and we have planned for it as it gets closer it gets harder.  I couldn't imagine it could or would get any harder but it has.  He is doing terrible and his breathing is so shallow.  He is sleeping A LOT!!  I think he is just exhausted from trying to breathe.  He had a seizure on Saturday night.  I didn't know what it was but he awoke with foam coming from his mouth (a lot!).  I cleaned his up and it was so cold he didn't get to go to church.  Single digit weather just doesn't seem like the time to go out for someone with weaker lungs.  But night fall he was coughing more.  Sunday night he had 3 seizures. One of which I saw which is the only reason I know what he was having.  Last night he only had 2 so I consider that a good thing.  He looked bad this morning and can barely stay awake these days so they have changed him to Qt10.  I understand that means a nurse every 12 hours and more CNA visits. Tonight there was a nurse here that checked him out and he looked a little better than this morning.  He is still super tired but his color is better.  I am pretty sure we are getting closer since he looks like it, breathes like it, and sleeps like it.  Tonight I asked some questions like what do I do if he dies? Who do I call? (hospice) What do I do then? (nothing they handle everything)  Who calls the funeral home? (they do) Will he need an autopsy? (no thank goodness). And many many more.  I am a planner I have to plan something to be happy.  So we are getting closer and I don't have to like it but it is getting here.