Monday, May 18, 2015
35 years together
We have been married 35 years as of yesterday. I am not going to say this last year has been easy or that it was a breeze and we are the happiest couple ever because it wasn't. It has been a hard year. Yes we still love each other but having one partner totally relying on the other is hard on them both. Dan gets frustrated that his body doesn't work anymore and I get tired from doing so many things. My life is out of control, my house is a mess, I never have enough time to get things done that need to be done, I am exhausted most of the time. Up until now we have been so blessed and have what many call a perfect marriage. I think that makes this even harder! We have breezed thru most years. It was hard when one of our parents died and the year my brother died. It was hard when we had to move but we moved a lot so it got easier. It hasn't been perfect but this, this is real and it is hard. So many people tell me I am so wonderful because I am sticking with him. What on earth are they talking about I always think. This isn't the time to walk away. This is what your marriage vows talk about "for better or worse, for sicker or poorer." This is sicker! This is it. As I watch him getting sicker every day, getting weaker everyday, needing me more every day how could I walk away, he needs me and we love each other. Many times I say "we had a bad day" because to me this is happening to both of us. This disease doesn't just affect just Dan it hits him, me, our children and grandchildren. Even our little grandkids pray for Dan all the time. One of the littlest prays "bless pawpaw, bless papaw" They all see that he is sick and getting weaker every day. This is not a disease that you can hide or if you take the right medication you can live forever and nothing changes. I wish he had one of those, or cancer where they could take it out and with chemo he could possibly get better. But no, it's not like that. There is no medication, there is no exercise, there is nothing that can change this. It takes over his life, over my life it is out there eating away the motor neurons inside my husband's body. The doctor says "you know this is going fast right?" Well, I am not stupid so yes I do know it. I can see! Not that I want to but I can. So here I am starting my 36th year as his wife with love in my heart and praying we will make it to our 36th anniversary.